Grandma's Attic

ALEX AND THE PRETZELS

Several years go we were returning from Michigan on a plane, and just across the aisle from us a mom and a dad and a little girl named Alex (we knew her name was Alex, because her father had been trying, quite loudly, to reason with her) The stewardess had brought us drinks and snacks, and one of the pretzels in Alex's package was broken, and she was most unhappy. In fact she was being unreasonable about it.

Several minutes went by, with the father getting more and more upset, and finally he said, "I don't want to hear it! Just be quiet and take a nap!" By now he was the one who was out of control and everyone on the plane was embarrassed for the way he was acting. As I sat writing in my notebook, analyzing the problem, I came up with these suggestions:

It seems like there are many things that parents can't control in their child
1. You can't make him go to sleep
2. The child can wet his pants without your permission
3. You can say, "I don't want to hear it" but he probably won't stop

The only real thing a parent has power over is how HE will react to the way the child is behaving RULE #1 Back off! No one else cares if they mind you, we just want all little kids happy. RULE #2 Don't feel you have to prove anything in front of others, especially the grandparents. We've been there, we've done that! and we know kids need to feel they have free agency, just like big people do.

Now, if I were ever on a plane again with a little kid who I wanted to be free from I'd stand up and say, "O.K. who wants to volunteer? I'm tired of this kid!" and I'd hope some Grandma would say, "Pass him over" Because most little kids traveling are tired of their parents by now anyway. or the child could get up in the aisle and say "I need someone new to sit beside, who wants me?" and someone new could play a game, or sing a song, and instead of the Dad saying, "Now take a nap!" he could take one, because he's really the one who needs it.

Granted, this 4 year old girl was crying because she didn't want a broken pretzel, but when you're 4 years old and you just woke up and you're still tired, broken pretzels are important. About 20 minutes later the storm inside her had passed and she was acting happy again, but we all remembered how the Dad reacted. And it wasn't his fault.

There are some things Dads can't fix, like broken pretzels. It's an unreasonable thing, but maybe he could have helped Alex reason it out for herself. For instance:

Dad: I'm sorry it's broken, I'd be mad too. Why don't you fix it?
Alex: I can't do that. It won't go back together
Dad: Then if you can't do it, let's have Mom do it (or say a prayer, maybe God can fix it)
I know! Let's ask the stewardess for another package. She's probably the one who broke it